Menzombiekan diri...

Again... zombiefying (ada ke such word?) myself coz will be starting nights from Monday til Thursday.
Already 5++am nak masuk 6am Sunday morning. Hubby dok busy krohkrohkroh lagi, well, not for long dear coz aku nak kejut dia solat Subuh jap lagi. Starting semalam mendung & hujan je.. a flip from panas terik berangin sejak beberapa minggu dah.

Now aku dok praktis utk nights starting tomorrow night until Thursday. Patutnye aku praktis starting tonite. But last nite pas habis arvo shift takleh tido plak & bangun lambat gila kol 1pm. Tu diaaaa! Bila bangun jadi grumpy & penat gila, kepala plak weng semacam. I HATE ARVO SHIFTS WITH PASSION! Simply coz ye la abis kerja midnite, then sampai rumah pon dah lewat. Sure tido lewatnyer. Then coz tido lewat, bgn pon lewat la & coz kerja arvo ni slalunye teruk so tak semestinye akan dapat a good night sleep aftawards. Mesti akan ada nightmares, risau itu ini about patients, spital, etc. And pastinye akan bangun lambat, cukup2 makan nak solat, lunch & get ready to go to work again. Yucks! Dah la jumpa hubby pon beberapa minit je setiap hari; time Subuh (in which I will alwiz go back to sleep) & time balik kerja (in which hubby will be asleep). At least night shift I have ample time to cook, lepak2 dgn hubby, study, etc coz masuk kerja just before midnight.

Anyways, still excited about Kuala Lumpur. Nyehnyehnyeh... balik tu terus je try. Okay la, coz aku pon bukan reti sgt mekap bagai ni. Well, praktis makes perfect yo! Hahaha. Well again.. I CANNOT wear Kuala Lumpur to work.. at least for now. Too obvious.. nanti patients ingat aku nurse plak... which will be very very insulting to me! Heheheh... I hafta figure out how to apply Kuala Lumpur so that it wont be too obvious, baru bleh pakai gi kerja.

Macam2 jadi tadi masa gi Clayton ngan hubby utk beli barang dapur.
- On the way lalu Clayton Road, ada si Cina gila ni drive from the opposite direction right into my face semata2 nak potong jalan & get into the right turning lane for the opposite direction. HARAM betul! Aku dgn my defensive driving of course la terlupa nak honk & I just automatically avoided the F* car. Seb baik lane sebelah kosong. Chit! Hubby kata, "If I were u I would hv just hit that F* car & that guy would hv never had a chance to win coz its so obvious his fault!".. huhuhu... I cannot afford to not have a car at the moment or ever.. and I definitely cannot afford to go through another accident again... not my new baby, not ever...
Well it took me a while jugak nak calm down, heading to the pasar Clayton.

- Masa kat car park Clayton. Punye la banyak orang gila kat parking rebut2 parking. Aku malas nak rebut, aku park je la kat the very corner of the parking area. Banyak betul org gila, dgn yg berhenti tengah2 jalan tak peduli dia blocking the road, dgn yg dangerous driving, etc. Benci betul la.

- Beli daging halal kat Sarawan. Hubby excited tgk the daging cukup-cukup 1.000kg kat mesen penimbang tu. Hahahaha... seperti kata penjual daging tu.. "Miracle happens.." =)

- Terserempak dgn Dr. ZF. Seronok jumpa geng kat luar sana.

- Masa hantar some of the groceries back to the car, ada la beberapa cars yg lalu lalang cari parking sambil2 ada kereta yg follow org jalan kaki back to their car so that the waiting car can get the spot. Ada satu minah malang ni tgh drive kereta baru dia la kot (a Honda Accord, black, kilat, besar gila, with very obvious license plate "AMSEXY") tgh tunggu a spot to be free at a very corner. Kesian, datang satu pakcik gila yg drive pon terhuyung-hayang dgn kereta buruk dia terus je masuk that spot. Kurang ajar betul. Minah ni plak, mebbie cam aku (masa aku zaman innocent dulu) terhenti di situ & tercengang.. then slowly berlalu la ke arah lain utk cari parking lain.
Kebetulan plak ada parking kosong sebelah kereta aku. And as I expected memang dia nak park situ pon. Afta isi barang dlm boot aku & hubby nak sambung nyopping. Hubby insisted aku tunggu, utk tengok cam mana si minah ni nak masuk spot tu dgn kereta gabak dia. Ye la, kang dilanggarnye kereta aku while kami not there.. kan ke haru. Maka berdiri la kami with our arms crossed on our chest (or tummy) dok memerhatikan dia masuk lot tu. Heheheheh.. ada la gaya2 gangster ready nak bantai org kalau she even scratched my car. Sian gak dgn minah tu, sure menggelabah. Bersungguh-sungguh dia betul2kan parking dia. Fuh.. reverse forward reverse forward akhirnye dia muat la masuk situ, and ada enuf room utk bukak pintu kereta. Berdebar-debar aku tengok dia buat sumer tu. Kira my fight or flight response dah switched on la, ready to bantai dia kalau jadi apa-apa kat kereta aku. Alhamdulillah, semuenye selamat.

- We decided to send back some more groceries to the car before going to Coles to get my Up & Go (important bekal untuk kerja). Berat sangat dah sayur sayan ni. Kebetulan plak si minah Honda tu was about to leave the parking spot. Again, hubby ajak aku usha cara dia kuar so that kalau jadi apa-apa at least we r there, so ada true witness la ni. Again kami berdiri situ with our arms crossed on our chest macam penyangak je gaya. Again si minah tu menggelabah nak kuar dp dia nyer parking space. Hahahhaha... kesian dia. Abih tu, dah kereta aku, kalau jadi apa-apa bukan minah tu yg sedih, aku jugak yg susah hati nak bunuh diri la itu ini (like what happened to poor hubby's baby- seb baik now dah good as new). Well, in the end, Alhamdulillah tak jadi apa2. And kami pon terlupa nak pegi Coles akibat seronok sangat nak jadi gangster di parking lot. Heheheheheh... takpe la, esok aku pegi.

- On the way back, banyak je org kurang ajar on the road, but aku sabar je until we got back home. Ni la jadinye bila some suburbs dah dipenuhi with migrants. Well, not to say that Aussies are baik either & migrants are all wrong. Tapi these people bila dah masuk negara orang silalah jangan jadi kurang ajar.. pleaselah respect others & the country's rules. Jangan nak bawak perangai buruk dari negara asal ke negara baru ni. Aussies tu dah memang la takleh nak diajar lagi, tapi with the appalling manners cam gini la menyebabkan Aussies akan jadi lebih racist to foreigners. Same goes to those people yg datang to Malaysia or mana-mana negara sekali pon, dari mana-mana negara. Pendek kata toloooong la hormat negara baru tu. For the sake of being a human being. Benci aku dgn orang-orang gila around me. Revolting.

- Malam masak my famous chicken curry (perasan) coz ingat nak makan dgn instant roti canai, tapi makan dgn nasi je la. And malamku dipenuhi with surfing the net sambil2 study sket2 buku pathology yg dah overdue tu. Sambil2 chat dgn H3 (kesian dia.. may everything goes well, Allah swt is with u alwiz, take care).

Now time nak kejut hubby to solat Subuh and aku plak kena berusaha nak tido.. kalau tak, haru...

Kuala Lumpur! =)

Mari kita nyanyikan lagu... Kuala Lumpur by Saloma (liriks dia lawak!) =))

"Kuala Lumpur ibu negeri,
sangat masyur sangat nyaman kotanya bersih,
awan nyaman saban hari,
hidup aman segala bangsa satu hati,
ibu negeri Malaysia,
dah terkenal aman makmur di mata dunia,
jikalau tuan ingin akan berhibur,
sila datang Kuala Lumpur..."

Itulah dia lagu Kuala Lumpur by Saloma.. agaknye masa tu KL ni hanya tempat berhibur la kot.. hehehhee... skang dah jadi lebih komplex kan.

Anyways, I am soooo proud of Malaysia, tanah tumpah darahku!

Guess what I found at Mecca Cosmetica today... Kuala Lumpur! By Francois NARS!
Not Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, Brisbane, Adelaide or Darwin, not even Hobart.. it is Kuala Lumpur!
The latest addition to its eye colour collection, not even a week kat kedai... I AM SOOOOO PROUD!
Bila nampak tu dlm catalogue dia hari tu I knew I had to have it!
Soooo apa lagi.. memang hari ni ke sana dgn niat nak grab one, dan juge dgn niat hubby kena bayarkan.. hehehehehehe... Kembang-kuncup aku masa kat kedai tadi.. fuh..

Kaler dia satu goldish, satu lagi brownish purplish, dua-dua ada sparkle. Kaler yg elegant, anggun, glamer gitu. Best. Ni dia Kuala Lumpur by NARS....

Next time kalau ada rezeki lebih aku nak ngap one of their best sellers.. Orgasm... heehhehe...

Okay, now nak masak.. lama dah tak masak..
Cheers!

Zombie

Aku blom jadi zombie lagi.. tapi kalau terus berjaga sampai abis kerja nanti maka zombie lah aku. Hehehehe..
Hmm... teringat katun Zombie Hotel slalu pagi-pagi on ABC, selepas katun binatang tak halal =P. Now dah tukar dgn katun apa ntah..

Have been awake since 1am, tried to go back to sleep tapi hanya mampu tido-tido ayam sampai kol 2 suku. Lenguh dok golek2 atas katil tu maka aku pon bangun le. Gelap-gelita & senyap-sunyi rumah, sejuk plak tu. Kalau kat M'sia sure aku takut nak bangun.. heheheh..
Pagi semalam lepas balik sepital ingat nak berjaga tapi tak mampu plak. Bangun plak dah lewat just like 1/2hour before hubby balik kerja. And we went for a walk around the otherside of Chadstone, the east area yg past Waverley Road. Angin kuat gila, seb baik aku tak terbang jatuh from jambatan M1 masa jalan tu. Fuh, ngeri beb! Aku dah la gayat memanjang. Anyways, serious letih gila. Ingatkan dah tido banyak tu ilang la letih.
Malam dinner simple je, the left overs & akhirnye abis gak udang rempah tu. Brapa lama daaa...
Masuk tido awal ~10pm gitu, penat beb. Tak sempat Isyak even tho Isyak dah awal sket now around 940pm gitu. Tapi tadi bangun ala-ala Qiamulail heheheh solat Isyak.. and terasa syahdu sorang2 di dinihari gini.. rindu M'sia.. huhuhuhu...

So now nak buat apa? Makan dah, lepak webbie beauty dah, so.. apa lagi.. gi la study! Hish! Jap lagi kol 730am ada lecture pasal neuro + pathology.. nak gi tak nak haaa... malas gila nak drive gi spital. Malas-malas pon aku kena kuar jap lagi ni utk beli barang-barang dapur. Bawang, serbuk kari, my Up & Go, fruits, carrot, tomatoes, etc dah abis. Kalau gi spital bleh singgah Box Hill mall utk some extra Asian groceries, tapi takde Myer & Mecca Cosmetica (heheheheheheeheh) and parking punye la payah. Kalau gi Chaddy susah nak cari Asian groceries plak.
Decision.. decision....

This week kerja arvo shift. Seb baik hari ni start at 4pm (menci nye nak drive along Warrigal Road tu masa school time zone!). Esok sampai Jumaat 10hr shifts from 2pm to midnite. Tak best arvo shifts. Coz it means that I have limited time with hubby. I dont mind morning or nights. Kalau arvo shift abis kol 10 takpe. Kalau kerja ward cam last rotation bleh breakie & dinner wit hubby & many weekends... tapi heck, dun miss ward job at all! I would rather nganggur than kena kerja kat ward. Yucks! Takpe la.. ni la kerja that I sorta want to do for the rest of my life.. if kuat semangat nak go thru training, exams, stuff...
InsyaAllah.

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Noon
I decided to masak nasi goreng & masak kicap beef. Malas nak gi lecture. Klung klang klung klang aku bertukang kat dapur tu, bukan sedap pon. Tapi jadi la. Since arvo shifts this week. Ada la jugak food utk hubby makan sorang2 dinner. Kalau dia berjimat-cermat cukup la sampai Jumaat nanti. Kalau tak, roti & tuna or maggi pon boleh..

Then gi Chaddy beli barang dapur. Terbeli other 'stuff' as well. hehhehehee.. apa kejadahnye la haaaiii.. ahahhahahaah... Dah balik rumah baru perasan aku terlupa beli garlic.. aaaiisshh..

Now time utk tido sejam before kena bangun balik utk start kerja kol 4pm..
ZzZzzZzzz...

Tercalar... =(

Hati ini rasa sungguh tercalar. Such a busy night.. many frustrating encounters with everyone. But nuthing makes me more tercalar than kena tegur dgn the Consultant masa handover, depan docs lain. Huhuhuhu.. :'( Simply coz I did sth not quite right according to the Consultant, even tho aku dah consult the senior ED reg on the floor overnight before doing wat I did. Even though bukan affecting patient's life pon, just affecting hospital funding je (to me, kalau utk patient's care.. screw the hospital funding!). And for someone yg ada ego & anger issues like me sure rasa nak nangis & kecewa sangat2.

Nak tido now... huhuhuhu... mengubati kesedihan dlm mimpi je laaa...

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PM
Hmmm... tido pon tak lena tadi. Bangun terlebih awal ~3pm gitu. Jiwa pon rasa tak tenteram memikirkan pasal patient tadi. Harap-harap tak mati on the way back home.
I thought I didnt care. Well, I dont. All doctors are narcissistic, and kalau nurses or patients kata diorang bagus memang they deserve the compliments. Tapi to get the supervisors' attention tu yg mencabar sket tu. Nak la dpt kepercayaan bosses & good references. Kalau tercalar sket reputasi tu.. terasa cam tergugat.. huhuhu... Tu la pasal aku tersedih sket hari ni.
Tapi ramai org kata this particular Consultant memang pedantic & mengah sket. Semua org mengeluh bila tau dia on.. tapi dia ni memegang jawatan agak penting gak dlm training.. ish ish.. Sedih sedih.. huhuhu..
Final night of this cycle tonite. I hope that everything's well for everyone.. Amiin. ye la, kalau semua org happy maka everything pon okay.
Next week arvo shifts plak. Selepas 24hours break...

Jalan-jalan buang masa =P

Sure tajuk kat atas tu tak best kan? heheheheh... In my world, there's alwiz 2 sides of the story.. kira cam pro's & con's, ups & downs. Nak bunyi lagi best, kira hidup aku sangat balanced =P Bab jalan-jalan tu yg best, bab buang masa tu tak brapa best for my 'supposed to study' world. Heh!
Okeh, lets forget about this dispute pasal tajuk tu.

Stuff happened in the past week, in short:
- Monday night like the previous entry, went to send Dr. H's family at the airport, they were going back to M'sia afta weeks of holidays here.

- The next day, as expected, didnt go to the early morning med lecture at the hospital... guess what.. woke up late. Takde la lambat sgt.. around 830am je. Went to Frankston with Dr. H in the hope of having the best bento lunch ever, only to find out that the restaurant was not open! Rugi je aku drive jauh-jauh 40km pegi tu. Tried to go to another Thai restaurant.. also to find out that the restaurant tutup! D'oh! Wats wrong wit these people? Jalan-jalan kat Franga Shopping Mall kejap (ye la, kalau balik terus rugi je la kan perjalanan aku tu).
Petang tu Dr. H lepak at my place to have diner. We made udang/sotong berempah & Dr. H made the best kailan ever. Sedap. I also found out that she's going back to M'sia for a short trip in April, as well as in June, and raya... huhuhu.. bukan ke dia baru je balik M'sia in November hari tu? Well, she said that she's homesick & kinda sick already being here in Australia. Her plan was to go back next yr if she didnt get in to the surgical training programme. Wow! That's news to me. Oh well, my life here is a little uncertain as well. So is Dr. MJ's, he said he is considering to defer/ going elsewhere to work.

- Wednesday: tried to study.. ok la sket2 a few paragraphs, with Scarlett Johansen's house on the net terpampang depan mata aku while I was reading. Petang tu, Dr. H, Dr. MJ & both of us went to the free concert in the city.. the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra at the Sydney Myer Bowl kat Botanical Garden. Best! But I think I didnt do myself any favour coz was restless the whole concert 2° to late coffee intake. All in all it was a good orchestra. Havent been to any live one before. Pernah tgk adik aku main or his school main, but aku nak tgk real concert. Nak pergi lagi nanti. I think I should go to all these arts & cultural events more before I decide to leave Melbourne. Bila lagi, ye tak? Malam tu kami had dinner at Old Town.. again. Came home a little late.. without thinking that esok aku kena gi kerja pagi ni. Haaiyaaa.. but yeah, everyone enjoyed themselves.

Mamat bogel ni nak try lompat from tangan gemuks aku

The Shrine of Remembrance, Royal Botanical Garden

- Thursday: kerja pagi. Dapat invitation to have an arvo drink with the consultants & registrars. Coz it was busy in ED, a bunch of us kinda terlambat to go there. Dah la pegi salah tempat when we got to leave ED, then bila finally sampai to the rite place.. dah kosong.. Even the unopen Cheezels yg tinggal kat tangan sorang consultant tu pon kami tak dpt merasa.. coz consultant tu tak nak share dgn kitorang. Hampas! Kecewa sungguh.
Balik kerja, I thot nak tido straight away so that bleh berjaga overnight utk tido the next day, kerja malam this weekends. Tapi kecundang gak aku dgn nafsu tido ni.. letih beb. Bodo la sapa yg buat jadual ni. Jadual aku kerja pagi Khamis then malam hari Jumaat, memang la more than 24hrs but how can they expect us to be awake for 24hrs then tido to prepare for the nite shift? Bangang. Kalau nights, nights je la, kalau siang, siang je la. Haram tul.

- Friday: tried to tido multiple times in 2-3 hour intervals. By 6pm I was already awake again.. sick of dok dlm katil. During those hours yg aku tried to be awake earlier, otak terasa pening gila.. so useless la jugak those hours. Tapi berjaya gak study sket2 before pegi kerja. Got syllabus matrices to study for exams from 1 of the consultants. And aku terasa bersemangat nak study, terasa cam student balik. The contents tested in exams dont seem bad at all. I just hafta study smart & hard I suppose. The consultant who gave me the guides suruh aku register cepat2, which I think I will do soonish now that terasa cam there's light at the end of the tunnel. Takde la rasa cam bercelaru je fikiran bila nak start study.. kalau tak dulu rasa overwhelmed gila & then in the end stop studying.
Night shift tadi cam bodo. Busy + some abusive patients coz diorang kena tunggu lama. Well, I've pretty much stopped caring.. which means takde la stressed out sangat. Its not our fault that they have to tunggu berkurun nak get treatment. Patients are seen based on triage system & obviously those who are more life-threatened will be seen first than those yg can be seen by a GP. There's not enuf doctors obviously for any night shifts, let alone on any weekend's nights.. and most patients choose to come during these vulnerable hours hence corrupting the meaning of "EMERGENCY" itself. Yeah, of course we will still see u & try our best to get u treated or even admitted if needed, tapi expect waiting for at least 4hours & dont expect the best treatment on the weekends.. this is when not enuf services available no matter which hospital u go to. Yes, the wards & the emergency department open 24-7, but again.. really, worst time to come if u r not dying.. come back on Monday a.m. It all comes back to funding.. yo!

Today had a very good sleep through out the day. Bangun around 5pm, terasa segar. Makan & lepak-lepak. Terasa nak study sket-sket.. tapi malas, lagi best kemas-kemas barang dlm bilik & main internet. Malam karang kerja lagi. Hopefully everything's well overnight. Its great when we get to work with great doctors overnight.
Ciao.

The Perfect Something.. =)

Ni lah kerja gila aku kalau terasa malas nak blaja. Aaadaaaaa je alasannye. This time is playing around with my collection of make-ups.

A few days ago masa tgh retail therapy found an eye colour for work, kinda dah lama gak looking for that hue. Before, I have found my perfect brown for work & my perfect pink for work in the eyeshadow range of colours. Also in that eyeshadow collection for work are: the perfect purple & the perfect brown with glitter, di mana aku akan pakai kadang-kadang (like I sed.. tak nak obvious & sekadar sedap mata memandang).
Dont I just love another perfect colour of beige/orange for work as well? Cari punye cari the perfect colour, akhirnye jumpa. Here it goes...

M.A.C. Paradisco
Tak oren sangat, tak pudar sangat.. just perfect!

M.A.C. Pink Venus
Tak pink sangat, tak pudar sangat.. just perfect!
BENEFIT.. Soft Shoulder
Pinkish brown.. just perfect!
Nanti aku tambah the whole make-up for work collection including lipsticks :)

And tadi masa gi beli groceries singgah jap kat Priceline Pharmacy. Gatal gi beli foundation brush. Never thought of using one coz selalunye guna jari je. Dulu ada foundation brush/ sponge but I found that melambatkan & sapuan dia tak brapa best cam guna jari. But hey.. tadaaaa.. this is the perfect brush for foundation =) Not that I've had many to compare with. Ni je la satu-satunye.. tapi sapuan dia best! Hahahhaha... Its not that I'm going to use this each time I go to work, just bila-bila kuar je kot. I will stick to my own jari (the perfect tool) untuk kerja.

ECOTOOLS Foundation Brush
Bamboo handle & synthetic bristle (halal)

Ada member baik skolah dulu ckp aku ni baik jadi make-up artist je la, daripada jadi doctor. Hahahaha.. minat gak tu. Doctor merangkap beautician. I am more interested in being the skincare/beauty buyer or supply manager or editor kat magazines mana-mana or kat department store Myer ke, David Jones ke, Mecca Cosmetica ke, Macy ke, Isetan ke, Parkson, Metrojaya, St. Michaels, Argos, Sephora, Sasa, Jaya Jusco ke, mana-mana la. Coz aku ni kan ke banyak sangat leadership qualities (Ewahhh, perasan tak ingat! Let's take it as part of my narcissism). Hahahahah.. Sampai hubby pon suruh aku buat demo letak kat You Tube mana tau the company jumpa aku kat internet then waaalllaaaa.. dpt kerja best. Kehkehkehkehkeh... ke situ plak dia.. tapi hmmmm... idea yg menarik!

Pagi tadi mendung je. Went to get my Mazda3 badge from the spare part centre. Petang karang nak pasang dgn hubby. Then gi groceries, memenuhkan fridge yg dah memang kosong for so many days.
Hubby balik for lunch, which is kinda rare, tapi best. (I'm imagining myself as a housewife & hubby balik rumah selalu for lunch together.. alangkah bahagianyeee!!). Then a few hours buang masa wit the net & main2 make ups.
Now baru nak study.. hehehehehe.. hampas je. Tak berdisiplin langsung. Takpe la.. sedikit demi sedikit lama-lama jadi bukit..
Harap-harapnye laaa with my ilmu in medicine ni.. hahhaha...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P.M.
Okay, my study attempt didnt really go that successfully. Ada je distractionnye.. ehhhehee.. rather very much welcomed distractions.
Bila hubby balik kerja tadi I was excited to go for a walk.. matahari pon dah kuar & just nice to jalan-jalan. Lagipon semenjak badminton hari tu, kami masing2 ponteng senaman except for a few 2-minute senaman segera here & there.

Dinner. Lauk semalam plus steamed broccoli coz tgh hari tadi aku dah abiskan sumer sayur.

Just now Dr. H. ajak temankan dia gi airport utk hantar her mum & brother balik. Kalau ikutkan hati nerd aku ingat nak tido awal hari ni coz esok pagi ada 7a.m. lecture kat spital. Tapi aku memilih hati boga-boga aku ni, best gak go for a drive malam-malam ni. Takde orang (kecuali hoons) on the road. As much as I hate the airport, aku nak gi gak coz best nak go for a drive (ni sumer mesti pasal extra caffeine aku amik siang tadi.. hyper sket). Lagipon diorang blom pernah naik kereta baru aku. Hubby memberi keizinannye, thanks Hubby. Baiknyeee aku sebagai kawan eh =P

Okaayyhhh... nak siap ni.
Doakan aku selamat pergi & selamat balik. InsyaAllah.

Ikaaann =D

Letih gila 2 mornings in a row gi airport. Aku dah drive around 250km dah for the past 3 days. Letih beb. Kesian baby boy aku.

Tried to read the prescribed pathology textbook yg aku dok susah payah pinjam from the spital library. Started with the most foreign subject to me ever... Neurology! Fuh.. gila aaaahhh... pening kepala. Ape ke menatang glial cells, astrocytes, neurons, blablablabla... ntah apa2 lagi.. tu baru intro of the central nervous system je tu.. sheesshhhh....
Teringat all the bosses suruh aku amik exam this September so that I could do some reg'ing job soonish. Tapi... aku serious shit takut. Diorang suruh amik at least 2 papers either pair Pathology-Anatomy or Physiology-Pharmacology, kalau tak nak amik all 4 at once. Diorang siap buat kira2 kalau aku baca 10 pages a day of the pathology book, I will be able to finish the subject in 145 days. Fuh.. gilaaa aaahhhh! Hari tu aku tanya one of the bosses.. "How about ..err.. ONE paper?" Hehhehee... diorang kata... "CHET! Tu pemalas namanye.. baik takyah amik exam!" dlm English la. Hahahhaa.. tapi seriously.. bila aku fikir balik... mana satu aku patut study dulu... kinda think of it, mebbie Path-Anat coz most relevant to my current rotation, tapi Physio-Pharm pon berguna gak utk my Anaesthetic rotation in August nanti. Haaiii.. entah laaa.. tooo overwhelming.. those are giant topics. Mebbie aku amik exams in March next year instead kalau rasa tak ready lagi by May nanti. Selidik punye selidik, ramai je ED registrars yg amik 1 paper every 6 months, mostly cakap no rush, coz kalau amik exam tak ready nanti buang duit je bayar paper tu. Which is true... seb baik these exams are not like uni exams. Kalau tak past still ada kerja lagi, still ada gaji lagi, still bleh naik pangkat lagi.. cuma lambat sket nak jadi specialist la kan.

Petang lepas dah bosan bersengkang mata try baca 3 muka surat buku pathology tu.. aku pon dengan semangatnye gi masak. Pulun abis la.. ni sumer pasal stress study, stress dgn yang berhormats berjambul tu, stress dah berhari-hari makan maggi je, stress macam-macam stress. Oleh itu, tema hari ini ialah Omega-3 from fish, bagus utk heart protection.. ye la dah stress je manjang.
Maka ni la hasil kerjasama kami di dapur hari ni...

Sambal ikan 'Yellow Tail Mackerel'
a.k.a. ikan selar/kembung (gua pon tatau).
Kat blakang tu sayur goreng biasa je.

Keropok ikan.
Sebelum dia rosak, baik goreng abis.
Hubby goreng cucur segera tapi hangus sket so tak amik gambar.

Tembikai segar.

Love life... sometimes...

Watched movie 'Premonition' on channel 10 by myself (coz hubby is in Sydney with the boys for Top Gear). 2nd time watched it, 1st time was wit hubby at the cinema. Sedih... reminds of me of appreciate the love that u have & keep fighting for the best of 'us'. Bukan nak kata selama ni tak hargai kasih-sayang sumer org, tapi ye la, manusia, memang selalu lupa diri. Masa first time tgk movie ni aku nangis, sama cam masa tgk movie 'P.S..I Love You'.

Hari ni berlalu dgn sia-sia mostly. Lepas hantar hubby kat airport, ingat nak lepak dgn Ly. kat city. Malang sungguh nasibku.. fon mati while at the airport lagi. Dah janji dgn Ly. nak jumpa kat Melbourne Central sana. Tapi ye la, without a fon & my brain is useless nak ingat no. fon orang lain, payah sangat. Aku gi lepak2 kat Myer & Melbourne Central, a few hours gak, in the hope to bump dgn Ly. Tapi ye la, dgn juta-juta manusia gi situ & masing-masing pon bergerak, so tak jumpa la mereka. Kalau aku bleh stopkan masa cam kuasa Piper dlm Charmed, bleh la kot aku go thru the whole Melbourne Central tu then start balik masa bila dah sampai depan mata Ly. Last2 aku pon putus asa & headed back home lepas dah rayau-rayau berjam2 kat situ. Ish ish ish...
Oh ye, dlm sia-sia hidup hari ni, aku nyopping retail therapy some foundation & eye colour nak pakai gi kerja. I just realized that most eye colours that I have are utk gi jalan-jalan. Kalau pakai gi kerja jadi obvious sangat.. malu lah.. tak nak jadi cam those nurses yg kaki mekap tu. Aku nak sederhana je, sekadar sedap mata memandang. Kakakakakaka...

Hmm... cakap pasal retail therapy tu.. slalunye aku akan 'ter' retail therapy kalau stress or happy gila (or apa-apa pon). It has been a stressful week for me.. tapi tak tau la apa ke bendanye yg aku dok stress sangat2 tu. Bipolar II affective disorder kot.. as in depression + hypomania, as oppose to depression + mania in Bipolar I affective disorder. ke PD? Mebbie aku need lithium kot, or any other mood stabiliser. Erk.. apa pasal aku dok ckp pasal psych ni. Yucks!.
Anyways, memang my mood tak brapa stabil semenjak hal logo kereta aku kena kopak hari tu. Taik betul the thief! Cacat kereta aku, abis bercalar-balar. Also stressing out about me making a fool of myself on FB coz marah sgt kat thief (idiot! hafta work on my anger issues more). Dalam byk2 nasihat suruh aku sabar tu, ada jugak terselit kata sapa suruh park kat situ. Well, in a way ye la kot aku tak hati-hati, tapi aku kinda marah gak coz what the heck is wrong with the world? Soooo.. pencuri yg haram tu tak salah langsung la ye? Regardless where u park nowadays, they will continue to do it.. so still salah kita ke? Kiranye dia boleh la curi itu-ini ye? Pencuri tu tak salah la ye? Hah? Hah? Hah?
Huh... dah call Mazda service centre Monday hari tu, hopefully aku akan dpt replacement soon.
Pas tu on Tuesday.. kereta hubby kena hentam from behind.. this stuck up filthy rich pompuan who was driving her dad's BMW X5 & already had 2 accidents during the week. Haram betul! Kesian hubby. Seb baik the pakcik nak pay for the damage thru his insurance company. Well, kalau nak diikutkan, since he's a property developer, sepatutnye dia ganti that piece of junk with a totally new car! Simply coz anak pompuan hangusan dia tu dah caused an unnecessary stress to hubby (and me), and coz hubby deserves a new car under his own name (and tak harapkan The Berhormats to post the car rego to our place every single year). Poor hubby. Semalam surat insurance company pakcik tu sampai. So harap2 the fixing tu settle cepat.

Oh ye, cakap pasal retail therapy lagi, and aku tak pasti apa ke bendanye yg aku dok stress sangat2 tu, selain dp hal kereta. Mebbie the house. The most appalling are the fresh clean/dry clothes piling up waiting to be folded and the semak-samun kat luar tu yg minta ditebas. Seems like both of us dont really care about the house. Both of us only buat minimal especially bila masing2 stressing out about something. Hubby is always in front of the computer & sometimes tertido on the couch. Same goes with me. I am always in front of the computer, or kadang-kadang in the kitchen buat sepah lagi or kadang-kadang trying to read (ending up reading mags/caatalogues instead). What is wrong with us ?!?! Dah 2 bulan pass by in the new year. Apa dah jadi dgn our (or rather my) new year's resolution yg buat hari tu? Benci lah.. malu dgn diri sendiri! Rasa cam hidup tak berguna je dgn rumah cam gini. Walaupon rumah ni cam kotak mancis, aku rasa aku patut try to make it livable.

Work wise, its been a smooth sailing week for me in the Emergency Department. Alhamdulillah. Aku kerja morning shifts sepanjang minggu. Orang tak ramai, bagus gila. Menda2 bodoh yg datang pon kurang. Mebbie coz tak ramai patients. Socially pon best gak coz ramai docs yg best. Semalam, as in Friday, best gila. Aku settlekan hal2 kat short stay unit by midday, then melepak the rest of the day, satu patient pon aku tak pick from the box. What an amazing day... Ada sorang ED Consultant yg pemalas ni kami dok ignore all the time. Masa aku buat ED last year aku ingat dia nak gi UK dah, dalam diam memang aku mengharapkan dia dah blah bila aku start ED again this time. Tapi malangnye dia ada. Ish.. aku harap dia akan blah cepat or aku takyah report to her directly ever sepanjang rotation ni. Tak supportive langsung. Anyways, mornings memang best, as well as weekday nights sometimes. I hate arvo shifts & weekend nights. Next week aku buat weekend nights. Huaarrghhh! Benci gila.
Oh, I just realized that now aku kerja shift again, I wont be having regular breakie & dinner & weekends with hubby again, like when I was doing psychiatry last rotation (one good thing about psych). Tak bestnye... tapi bila fikir balik.. it makes us cherish the time we have together even more. I am kinda happier in ED now, tapi takde la happy mana pon, coz aku pon kengkadang dah bosan with the whole idea of being a doctor.. sometimes...

Dalam terasa hidup sia-sia hari ni, I had a good rest in the arvo. Aku tau aku tak sepatutnye tido petang coz I definitely akan susah tido malam.. (like wat I'm doing now, dah nearly 3a.m.). Biasa la, kekecewaan mmg best diubati dgn tido. Janji nak kemas rumah ntah ke mana, nak study ntah ke mana. Oh, called my brother, H3, yg kini berada di UK. Best dapat ckp dgn dia, lama dah tak ckp. It brightened my day (or saki-baki hari).. it always brightens my day afta dpt talk to or jumpa family or close frens.

Valentine's day esok ni. Tapi like alwiz we dont celebrate that day. Its tooo over-rated & tooo hyped. Bosan. Love should be celebrated every single day of the year. Valentine's day is just another day of the year...

Got a few days off until kerja a.m. then straight to nights. Tahun ni takleh jadi cam tahun lepas, tak bleh menjalar lagi. Kena bangun dari tido & be more responsible to self & all. Kena hidup lebih organized. Especially umur dah bertambah, plus bosses dah suruh amik exams this year (takutnyeee!). So hopefully aku akan tertido akhirnye & bangun untuk menempuhi hari dengan lebih bermakna... (lepas amik hubby from the airport).

Night...

HEARTBROKEN!!!

DAMN THIEF!!

I am soooooooo F***** angry! F***** thief... now my baby is F***** ruined...
:(( :(( :(( :(( :((

I am really really heartbroken... rasa hampir-hampir putus asa in life already... huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu....

I sooooo curse the global economy downturn & these sooo damn people :(( :(( :(( :((

Farewell.. farewell...

Lupa plak dah masuk February 2010. I was kinda struggling to write the right month & year during January when writing my notes in the patient's history. Tetiba je I realized dah masuk February! Funnily enuf I tend to write the right date comes February.. how odd! Terasa cam I have that cognitive gap in January then remission in February. Hahaha..

Last day on psych ward went kinda okay. Busy but managed to go through most of the stuff on time. Ada la sket2 glitches. E.g. stoopid paperworks yg aku tak sepatutnye buat, yelling thru fon from patients' families, etc. Hari bermula kinda good coz my original boss yg baru balik from cuti tak dtg today! Hahahaha.. coz aku lagi suka the other bosses. More efficient, sensitive & pendek kata best! Dia baru start balik kerja semalam but suku hari je dia stayed there then blah, hari ni dia called in sick. Hehehehhe... Bila they sed goodbye to me tadi rasa cam nak nangis gak la. Ye la, tak pernah aku rasa ada bosses yg betul2 amik berat pasal their junior docs mcm diorang ni. Kasi nasihat cam father figure. Tu yg aku terharu tu. Mebbie coz diorang ni psychiatrists kot, tu la diorang tau deal with human beings, supposedly.. Plus bosses yg best ni they all have gone thru difficulties nak work in Australia, let alone becoming who they are now.

The ward organised a farewell tea party for me tadi. Terharu gila bila nampak byk makanan dlm tu. They made the effort to buy some munchies. Lagi banyak dp masa farewell for one of the social workers a few months ago, even tho social worker tu dah kerja situ around 10yrs. Hehehehehe.. Aku kasi diorang my usual cookie cake =) Glad everyone loved it. And dlm banyak2 keterharuan itu, diorang kasi aku farewell card & chocs & cookies for me.. waaahhhh... baiknye mereka. Despite aku nyer anger issues, tantrum & hissy fits tu diorang actually suka aku kerja situ... aduhaiii terharu aku.. its kinda a great feeling that people actually appreciate you & knowing that you have made some kind of difference somewhere somehow.. =)

Ni card yg diorang sign ramai2...
ala2 petition nak suruh aku blah.. tak cukup penuh lagi tu...
ahahhahaahahaha..

Ni gingerbread cookie yg aku join decorate masa time Xmas ari tu.
Siap je terus aku ngap..
the rest of the cookies biar OT & patients je la yg abiskan dekorasinye...
aku busy.. =P

Masa balik tadi aku kinda sedikit sedih coz I missed the farewell drinks/ munchies at the residents quarters coz aku abis kerja sedikit lewat. Ni sumer pasal buat handover sheet for the next doc la ni. Sheesh.. Bila sampai sana cuma tinggal a few je tukang kemas. So I just ckp babai & blah. Sedih la jugak coz tak sempat nak catch up with some colleagues (doctors), with whom I enjoyed working with sepanjang thn ni. Dah la sepanjang hari hujan je.. how sad...

Oh well... yeah, kinda sad to leave, but life has to go on..
I am soooo glad I finished the HMO2.. Alhamdulillah.. Sometimes rasa cam mimpi plak.. Hari tu baru je abis uni, then abis internship.. and all those difficult years. Now about to embark on a new journey as a HMO3 in a cool but challenging Critical Care year. Rasa cam takut plak coz ini bermakna aku kena cam jadi super pandai la nanti.. meaning study study study! Huhuhuhuuuu...
Oh well... its time to open my eyes & head..

Balik kerja, went for a walk to Chadstone with hubby.. (fuh.. lama betul tak senaman ni, dah 5 hari dah). Again.. we had dinner at Kintochi. Hahahaha.. I sooooo love the sushi esp. the raw salmon. Fresh & sedaap gila!
Weekends gonna be busy wit social activities.. harap2 sempat la study & organising stuff utk start the new year..
And hafta remember to bangun awal for orientation Monday nanti.. kol 7a.m. beb!

Abis dah...

Entah ngapa aku rasa cam gelisah/ sedih plak nak abis psychiatry rotation. Esok adalah hari terakhir di psychiatric ward, merangkap penghabisan rotation of the year, merangkap penghabisan tahun HMO2 ku. Alhamdulillah.. semuanye dah tamat seperti yg aku harap2kan selama ni. Alhamdulillah.. berjaya mengabiskan HMO2 General Year & melangkah ke alam baru HMO3, alam yg lebih mencabar minda & harap2nye aku will enjoy this new year more.

Tapi like I sed, aku rasa cam resah gelisah plak esok hari penghabisan tahun 2009/2010. Ini bermakna aku kena try abiskan hutang2 kerja aku yg tak sempat diabiskan masa rotation ni. Also kena prepare some stoopid report for the Mental Health Hearing Board that will happen in 2wks time even tho I wont be there.. huh! Also kena prepare the lengthy handover sheet to the new doc, if ada a new doc to replace me (memandangkan mental health admin kedekut even to replace a HMO & a consultant yg MIA at the moment). Ye la, manyak gila new patients & they are in their early or mid way management plan, meaning gila banyak kerja to be done for each one of them. Huhuhu....
Otherwise, the team has been sooo good to me & I hafta admit that apart from all my tantrums & hissy fits, I have enjoyed time bermalas-malasan (a.k.a. being dumber) masa buat rotation ni. Eleheeeeiii....tantrums aku tu pon pasal inefficiency, stoopidity & incompetence some people kat mental health ni. So kira valid la sumer aku nyer drama tu. Oh ye, I definitely wont miss the ward work, and the paperwork yg bodo2 tu. Even tho deep inside, if only I had a little bit of interest in the ward work, I would have been a superb doc for the ward. Hhhehehehe... narcissistic sungguh. Best gak kadang2 carry folders/ diary around to organize ur day schedule, rasa cam nampak professional.

I kinda sad that berakhirnye tahun ni bermakna some of kawan2 doctors yg aku dah jumpa & enjoyed working with sepanjang tahun ni juga akan berpindah ke tempat baru mereka. ED docs, paediatric docs, orthopaedic docs, some of the interns, registrars, etc. Being in the psych ward has made me a little isolated from the main physical medicine people, so I kinda feel sad tak sempat nak catch up dgn diorang before they leave. Esok last day of the year, so tak mungkin la sempat kot nak catch up lagi. Malam ni Khamis malam, maknanye jugak ramai of them having farewell dinner mana2 with their own team. & aku plak dok rumah main FB, internet. (Which I dun really mind coz aku mmg malas nak kuar pon).
Tak tau la docs baru nanti best cam diorang2 ni ke tak. Harap2nye diorang ni bagus & baik.

I dropped by kat ED masa on call Sunday hari tu. One of my former bosses was there, & also some of the nurses that I worked with last time. They looked glad when I told them that I was coming back to ED next week (so I think.. heheheheheh). The boss was like tanya aku bertubi-tubi.. so amik exam September ke, baik amik cepat, pegi daftar cepat with the college, kena study, pas tu bleh buat reg job, etc.. waaahhh... betubi-tubi nye. Takut aku. Tak sangka diorang trust me that much. Boleh ke aku ni jadi ED reg? Boleh ke aku ni amik exam that soon? It feels like having to study the whole 5years of medicine in this very little time! Huhuhuhuhu... Little do they know that I kinda dun really care about my career at the moment & only work coz nak duit je. Dengan semangat aku skang, aku tak rasa aku bleh past the exam, the 4 papers & clinical exams, kalau amik this year. Takut seh!
Entah la.. mebbie coz at the moment aku kinda bosan with life & work. Mana tau masa dah start ED balik terus mania ke.. hahahaha.. elevated coz suka sangat. Harap2 my colleagues kat ED pon best nanti.

The ward has organised a farewell tea party for me, another consultant & one of the nurses tomorrow. I bought this cookie cake (..again) for them. Mahal sket la. Tapi they have been nice & have supported me all through out the rotation, especially when I was in my shit-ty mood swings (walaupon mostly pasal diorang jugak). Terharu jugak bila dpt tau ramai yg nak bawak good food tomorrow. I bought these giant Toblerones for the 3 bosses that I've worked with, satu dah kasi hari ni coz hari ni last day dia. The HMOs aku dah kasi last week lagi. Sorang kasi diary 2010 coz dia akan buat ward job this coming year & dia suka diary. Sorang lagi aku kasi baju baby Pumpkin Patch coz dia akan ke C-section end of the month, ni yg aku kata malas sket tu.. hhehehheeh.. oops! (Memang best kan jadi kawan aku.. hahahahahahhahahaahhahah... oops.. narcissistic lagi.. PD sungguh!)

Hmm... harap2 esok tak brapa busy & tak brapa bodo for everyone..
I hope that the closure for the rotation will be at least smooth, if its not gonna be easy.. and harap2 mood aku stable & content & composed kalau ada apa2 hal yg hampas esok... hehehehee...

G'nite :)