Signed my life away..

Terima kasih semua yg doakan aku selamat minggu ni. Alhamdulillah aku ok, berkat doa semua. Si boss hari tu mood dia baik plak. Cuma kena marah pagi-pagi tu je coz aku jumpa patient lama sangat. Takde la aku terasa sgt coz digantikan dgn good patient history + examinations + management (perasan).
Harap-harap the next few weeks of anaesthetics aku selamat jugak.

Semalam settle interview with the DEMT + another fellow consultant for Emergency Medicine Training at BHH. Nak kata aku happy, ye happy coz dah selesai interview & now tinggal nak hantar the memorandum to ACEM. Somehow, on the way back home I had this feeling of.. hmmm.. how do I explain it.. I sorta felt down. I kinda questioned myself on whether I actually did the right thing by signing myself up for ED training.
Betul ke ni yg aku nak buat.. boleh ke aku study utk exams next year... boleh ke aku buat registrar job ni...
ED training, or whatever training pon, it comes with dedication + hard work. Everyone knows that. Just like one of the anaesthetists sed to me the other day.. exams are just exams. The actual experience + what you actually make do of what u learn are the most important. Aku willing to do all that, just need to improve myself dari pelbagai segi. I'm glad now at least dah ada pathway to go through in the coming years in terms of my career.
Yet, I dont know if this also means that I'm signing myself up for years of dumps & misery. Many of my doc friends hate ED so much. The people who work there sometimes hate their job as well. Simply because of again, the government policies + funding to hospitals. Kalau tak pasal these 2 major influences, I'm sure ED would've been more likable.

Sampai je rumah aku terus tido sampai hubby balik. Letih gila. Pagi tak makan, just had Cheerios + coffee. Dinner pon aku tak mkn, just some chocs + nibbles. Malam tido awal jugak. Drained.

Hari ni aku mintak hubby photocopy the forms & post it. Hopefully sampai dengan selamat & selesai sudah. Lepas ni aku bleh la kot pegi ED tutorials if work permits. And hafta register for the exam papers quick.

Oh ye, semalam aku half day. Doing ortho cases in the morning. The first case went well. The second one didnt. Had issues with his breathing. The patient desaturated very quickly, kemungkinan besar dia punya ETT dislodged up to the cord. Mungkin salah aku gi inflate the ETT tu salah kot. Lagi la masalah since my boss terblock dia punye right phrenic nerve so right hemidiaphragm dia tak functioning, plus dia takde right upper lobe coz removed due to cancer. Aku plak kelam kelibut nak nak kena ventilate the patient where my boss had a look inside using a bronchoscope, ada gak kena marah coz ventilated the patient ntah apa-apa. Then kena panggil another boss from next door coz dia dah exhausted. The surgeons pon ada issues with fixing the shoulder, ada bleeding plus ntah apa-apa lagi. In the end we didnt stop the operation half-way.
The anaesthetist I worked with for the list that morning terkenal dgn kegelabahan dia & thoroughness. Dia marah byk nurses masa case ni (hehehe.. padan muka, sapa suruh masuk time org tgh kelam kabut tu), aku pon byk gak kena marah. Mebbie pasal dia stressing out about the patient kot. Tapi biasa la aku, kalau kena tegur sket, sure jadi monyok, kadang-kadang siap nangis lagi. Apa ntah.
Mebbie tu la pasal seharian semalam aku cam down je. Luka berdarah..

(Gambar tribute to CartoonStock.com)