Busy campur Malas

Lama gila aku tak update kan. BUsy campur malas nak update coz takde mood. Computer kesayangan aku diserang virus bodo. So now tengah bersawang kat atas meja. Kalau ikut hati aku nak je aku campak kat M1 sana. Stressed!

Last week abis ICU. Aku tau aku hutang gambar cookie cake yg aku janji nak bubuh itu hari.

Minggu start my first ever job as an ED registrar. Slow smacam je Isnin hari tu. Ye la baru abis ICU kan. Rasa cam banyak menda aku tak tau. Work is depressing when you feel like you dont know much. The ED people , especially the bosses, looked excited that I'm back in ED. Aku? Ntah laa... Tunggu bila aku jumpa kes bodo-bodo & dapat hand over bodo-bodo then aku start mengamuk balik... hahaha.

The bosses suka aku punye presentation pasal NMS & serotonin toxicity itu hari so the Director of ED mintak aku buat presentation yg sama depan all the Physicians plak. AAARRGHHH! Terencat jap otak aku. Nak tolak nanti kena blacklist. Nak terima, teringat plak all the audience ialah physicians.. wooooooo mati aku. Kalau students takpe la jugak kan. Oh well, kalau depan anaesthetists lagi rasa nak mati kot. Hari tu cuma Intensivists & ED physicians je. Then one of the senior registrars mintak aku buat lagi 2 prezo next week, 1 for teaching the residents & 1 for teaching the interns. Ayaaakkk!

Dengan aku yg tengah miserable inside ni, tak tau la boleh ke tak deliver all the 3 prezos tu. Computer tu pon satu hal. Kang aku gi sambar iPad kang... poket aku gak yg nangis. Sheesshhhh!

Malam tadi hantar Dr. AI & her mum gi airport. Dia decided to defer this year from training. Will probably be back in Melbourne for interviews in the 2nd half of the year. Then kerja again for physician training next year.

Life is hard for us perantau di sini. Dr. HAK decided to stay in surgery after having a blast doing plastics last term. Its going to be a long journey for her. Jeles gak aku dengar dia cerita pasal surg coz aku pon sangat minat surgery but life doesnt really allow me to go on in surg.. but who knows. Dr. MJ still in physician training but decided to take exams next year instead of this year. Dr. ZJ in now ED training instead of anaesthetics, her husband Dr. N decided to go into Obs & Gobs instead of surg. Dr. BB still going with her ED training, and dialah yg slama ni kasi aku semangat utk amik exams this year. At least bila study sama2 takde la merewang je otak & semangat aku.
As for me, aku still miserable. I miss home very much, I hate my personal life, I hate the politics in ED, I sort of long for a normal life so that at least I have time for me & others, I am still indecisive of what I want in my career despite I am now in Emergency Medicine training. All sorts of things.
And most of the time aku rasa cam aku takde outlet for my misery...

Sebelum abis ICU hari tu one of the Intensivists cakap I will make a good physician.. which sort of made me even more miserable coz its been a while aku dah tak tau apa aku suka anymore in medicine. I wish it was that easy to choose like others, I envy those yg memang determined gila nak pursue their careers in what they like. While me still hanging around.
Mebbie aku sepatutnye go on cari kerja in personal assistant ke, office job mana-mana, architecture ke, engineering ke kan.

Malam ni sampai malam Ahad kerja, abis pagi Isnin. Next weekend kerja jugak. :'( Asik kerja weekends je. Ni dah minggu ke-3 berturut2 aku kerja, minggu depan weekends lagi. 4 minggu berturut-turut.

Smalam stay up coz hari ni the whole day kena tido kan. Stay up takleh focus nak study coz I miss my computer so much. So aku buat la apam 100plus amik kat rumah MamaFaMi. Takde 100plus aku guna sprite. :)
Nanti-nanti la aku bubuh gambar apam aku yg super sweet tu walaupon dah kurangkan gula dari yg dlm resepi (janji palsu aku lagi... hahaha)