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Wednesday, July 16, 2014

What am I...

Salam Ramadhan.

More than half way until Eid, Alhamdulillah fasting has been cool for hubby & I. Cool & cold. Hah. 
Seksa nak bangun sahur coz so freakin' cold, and coz of buka puasa awal both of us tend to over-eat. 

I read a blogpost about a girl who wrote on her dilemma of coming from a mix-marriage family. I can totally relate to her; growing up I didnt have it easy, and I can kinda say that I sort of hated my school years. 

My siblings and I are rojak offsprings. (I love rojak!!). I am a Muslim, and proud of my roots.

Growing up I rarely had many friends, let alone 'best-buddies'. My friends were those ones who were being shunned away from the people around us; those who were chubby, from mix-marriage family, not-as-cute-&-pretty, those with disability; you know, those who are 'different'.

I remember, in junior school, which ever group that I tried to be friends with, I kept on getting this: you are not Malay, you look like 'Indons' so go to the others, then laughters. you are not Chinese, you dont look like us, you cant even talk Chinese, go away, then laughters. you are not Indian, you dont look like us, you dont even understand us, then laughters. Those who have seen either my parents send me to/ pick up from school will just make funny remarks e.g. keling / cina bab* / indon etc. Very very hurtful words. This went on through high school, not as much coz most of the time I would not dare to say I was from a mix marriage family. A bit shameful. That for the sense of being accepted that I'd been longing for.
I cannot imagine how my brothers went through school with all these.. did they go through the same or was it just me being over dramatic.

I continued my studies in Melbourne a while back. In short, the experience really opened my mind & my heart after so long of covering everything. I am proud of who I am and my roots. As an adult only I feel much appreciated by people around me.. I am special. Now I dont really care of what people say or think of me. I am proud of my family, those who actually made me who I am now & who continue to support me ups & downs.

When I accidentally meet those people who bullied me when I was at school, looking at their lives, I sometimes would just say to myself 'look who has the last laugh now'. I feel bad to think that low. People can be as nasty as they want to be.. in the end karma will bite back. That I believe. And I am just grateful of what I am, what I have achieved so far & just life.
People will continue to judge as long as forever, but its you who has the power to shine through all this. And for those people who have helped me grow even in those nasty ways, I wish you well. 

Alhamdulillah to life & all.

Take care.

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Separuh Tahun Lagi..

Goshhh.. its July already!! Half a year has gone. Comes another half.

What have I achieved so far? Hmmm... rasanya tak banyak kot.. Maybe more of my disgusting fatty layers?

Okay what's due soon?

My research audit on trauma in our department is due next week on Thursday. Brapa banyak je yg aku dah siap?

This coming Thursday pulak ada Resus workshop. -!-" 

This coming weekend aku kerja arvo shifts, meaning abis midnight :( Tak boleh nak organize buka puasa ramai2 with friends here since most of them are working during weekdays. Then next weekends plak aku kerja night shifts :(

My structured references for advanced training still pending. Awaiting completion by the bosses. Sigh...

Have to work on applying jobs for next year. Ni tension. Every single year terasa mcm beggar pulak kena apply then go for job interview :(

Kena renew & pay our annual medical indemnity (insurance) & registration (lesen bekerja). Melayang lagi $$$$.. Sigh..

Tax return!!! Sigh...

Okay, since balik from cuti hari tu, aku dah kumpul sebulan punye June empties. Will post on that soon.

Housework.. kain baju, dapur, bathrooms, garden, etc.. Sigh..

I need to start studying in depth I guess. Primary exams dah abis last year. Now into advanced training. Most senior registrars start studying bit by bit at least 2 years prior to their fellowship (final) exams. Diorang kata sikit-sikit lama-lama jadi bukit. And I am doing that, but my sikit-sikit tu lama-lama hilang tanpa kesan... masalah premature memory loss gamaknye... Sigh..

Today I am working arvo shift, abis midnight. So hubby will be eating dinner by himself. Dia buka puasa in the car or at work since buka puasa around 1712hrs, then eat propper dinner at home. Aku pun sama will be having my meal at work.

Salam Ramadhan all.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Salam Ramadhan 1435H

Assalamualaikum, selamat berpuasa Ramadhan 1435H. 
Alhamdulillah semalam start puasa on a Sunday, both of us tak kerja. So agak mendamaikan to start on a weekend. Bangun sahur agak mendera perasaan sebab sejuk ya amat. Around <5 buta="" degree--="" degree="" during="" pagi="" peak="" the="" tu.="">
Subuh starts at around 0603hrs & Maghrib is at 1711hrs. So minggu ni around 11+jam saja puasa. Buka puasa ringan2 then lepas Isyak, which is at 1838hrs, or around Masterchef baru dinner. Masterchef starts at 730pm. Agak awal to eat at 5++pm for dinner. 

Now is peak winter. Sejuk ya amat. But somehow ada gak selingan cahaya matahari despite the freezing weather. Jadi la, boleh la rasa sikit2 macam there's hope to life now. Sejuk beku tu tetap sejuk beku but like somehow looks different bila ada cahaya matahari, biarpun tak rasa pun kesuaman matahari tu.

My shifts this Ramadhan, Alhamdulillah, are evening shifts & nights. Cuma when balik midnight or later tu agak letih jugak nak tido, then bangun sahur around 5am. But at least boleh makan with hubby everyday, if not during buka pun. Have to masak awal when I am not working, at least when hubby gets home dah ada makanan panas. And like always, I cant always cook everyday, but will try to make something special when I'm on my days off.

These are the food I made last night, hoping to cover us at least until this wednesday. Aku kerja arvo shifts pulak this week, then on the weekends. Next weekends plak aku do night shifts from the friday until sunday. Hubby makan nasi with the kuah-kuah, while I just ate the mee hoon soup. Tak nak aaa bosan makan semua skali arung coz the food semua utk next few days. So kena tukar2 set.

Ayam masak lemak cili api segera with kentang & pickled mango (perencah brand Alif).
Rendang daging segera (perencah brand Brahims campur Mak Siti).
Sayur campur masak from scratch :P

Aku asik kempunan mee hoon soto/ mee hoon soup yg seangkatan dengannye. 
Ni mee hoon soup aku with steamed brocoli as sides.

Agar-agar jampu segera (brand apa ntah), with added peaches frm botol.

Anyways, going back to do some work. Selamat berbuka puasa bersama keluarga, rakan-rakan, teman sekerja, etc. Kalau like me at work, will be by myself la. And to me,it is a bliss to be on my own during this precious meal break, away from the chaos. 

Monday, June 23, 2014

Happy (not) Winter.. and Selamat Berpuasa Ramadhan 1435H

Lama gila tak update. Cam tu la aku ngan janji-janji palsuku. Ish... Dah winter-winter gini lagi la malas nak dok kat computer menaip. Kalau nak harapkan ipad tu lagi la malas nak menaip.

Apa jadi dgn aku since last update until now?

- bersosial bersukan makan-makan with friends. 
- balik Malaysia jumpa my adorable nephew. LOVE LOVE LOVE.
- holiday in Paris. Alhamdulillah, berapa tahun tu kumpul duit for that holiday. Gambar, hmmm.. nanti-nantilah. Agak2 bila la tu since vitamin M dah lama bertahta dlm diri ni. Heheheh.
- projects at work. 
- now is the time to update CV & cover letter, coz now is the time to apply jobs for next year. Remember aku pernah ckp dulu? This is around the time of misery for doctors coz system sini requires us to apply jobs for next year, interviews etc. Training position by the college is one thing, actual job is a separate thing. Tu yg semua doctors kena buat every year at about the same miserable time. Sometimes rasa mcm beggar pun ada.

Its mid winter now. Cuaca pun gloomy je manjang. Kalau ada matahari keluar pun, rasa mcm harapan palsu untuk hidup kembali. Matahari just keluar paling lama dlm 1/2jam to 1jam. Sedih.. 

Hujung minggu ni Alhamdulillah dah nak masuk Ramadhan. Bulan yg mulia. Semua kita semua tabah sabar & diberi kekuatan menunaikan ibadah berpuasa. Semoga kita semua dapat memanfaatkan peluang yg ada untuk mengejar rahmatNYA. 

Kat sini tak berapa best sgt coz mmg tak terasa suasana bulan puasa mcm kat Malaysia. But a lot of Muslim groups here try to hidupkan the experience dgn adanye majlis2 buka puasa, solat sunat terawih, programme jual beli, etc. Just kami2 ni je yg jarang join coz kerja & mostly jauh frm our place & mebbie ada sedikit malas di situ.

I will be working mostly evening & night shifts for this bulan Ramadhan, so kira mcm blessing jugak coz takde la penat during work. Just cant go to breakie like alwiz. Oh well, rehat jap wallet for day time foodie outing, jimat. Aku ni kalau boleh nak la sahur & buka puasa with encik suami but apakan daya kerja aku shifts & dia pon most of the time akan buka puasa dlm kereta/ train. And based on the past years experience, puasa di bulan sejuk agak mencabar nak bangun sahur coz sejuk beku and most of the times during the day rasa nak mengunyah/ minum air panas coz its sooooooo cold. And also rasa nak tido je coz sejuk2 ni senang ngantuk. It gets really dry pulak bila heater terpasang. So seb baik waktu puasa kejap je around 11+++jam total.

Anyways, selamat berpuasa semua. Aku tengah tengok-tengok webbies food untuk idea for buka puasa food. Not that I will cook everyday anyways, just mebbie spesel sket lah kan. 
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