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Wednesday, July 16, 2014

What am I...

Salam Ramadhan.

More than half way until Eid, Alhamdulillah fasting has been cool for hubby & I. Cool & cold. Hah. 
Seksa nak bangun sahur coz so freakin' cold, and coz of buka puasa awal both of us tend to over-eat. 

I read a blogpost about a girl who wrote on her dilemma of coming from a mix-marriage family. I can totally relate to her; growing up I didnt have it easy, and I can kinda say that I sort of hated my school years. 

My siblings and I are rojak offsprings. (I love rojak!!). I am a Muslim, and proud of my roots.

Growing up I rarely had many friends, let alone 'best-buddies'. My friends were those ones who were being shunned away from the people around us; those who were chubby, from mix-marriage family, not-as-cute-&-pretty, those with disability; you know, those who are 'different'.

I remember, in junior school, which ever group that I tried to be friends with, I kept on getting this: you are not Malay, you look like 'Indons' so go to the others, then laughters. you are not Chinese, you dont look like us, you cant even talk Chinese, go away, then laughters. you are not Indian, you dont look like us, you dont even understand us, then laughters. Those who have seen either my parents send me to/ pick up from school will just make funny remarks e.g. keling / cina bab* / indon etc. Very very hurtful words. This went on through high school, not as much coz most of the time I would not dare to say I was from a mix marriage family. A bit shameful. That for the sense of being accepted that I'd been longing for.
I cannot imagine how my brothers went through school with all these.. did they go through the same or was it just me being over dramatic.

I continued my studies in Melbourne a while back. In short, the experience really opened my mind & my heart after so long of covering everything. I am proud of who I am and my roots. As an adult only I feel much appreciated by people around me.. I am special. Now I dont really care of what people say or think of me. I am proud of my family, those who actually made me who I am now & who continue to support me ups & downs.

When I accidentally meet those people who bullied me when I was at school, looking at their lives, I sometimes would just say to myself 'look who has the last laugh now'. I feel bad to think that low. People can be as nasty as they want to be.. in the end karma will bite back. That I believe. And I am just grateful of what I am, what I have achieved so far & just life.
People will continue to judge as long as forever, but its you who has the power to shine through all this. And for those people who have helped me grow even in those nasty ways, I wish you well. 

Alhamdulillah to life & all.

Take care.


Rikajue said...

Hi, I just got to read your comment on my blog post. Thank you so much and yes, it was difficult and kind of stressful. But now, after reading your comment and post, I feel glad that it's actually alright that we're different. It makes us unique from them.

Thanks a lot. Let's have fun being unique in this society. :)

sak said...

salam..sis miss your blog..keep writing

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