Had an outburst at work today :((
Overwhelmed & felt dumb (I still feel dumb) & cried at work... untuk kesekian kalinye..
Had a 1hour plus consultation with my boss coz I cried.. he found out that I cried in the toilet (ni mesti nurse2 sibuks kasi tau ni). All in all, I cried coz I was disappointed in myself that I feel like I'm not in control of lotsa situations in here, like I was in ED. I hate not knowing what's going on around me, hate not being able to do anything about it, etc. I feel like I'm not up on par with everyone's expectation, I feel bad to ask for help..blablabla..
He must be diagnosing sumthing during this consultation.. like OCD, borderline, etc, which I couldnt care less. He doesnt really like it that I actually kept this for ~4wks until I had a break down today. Well, I did tell someone in ED that I wasnt coping well in psychiatry.
Its good that my boss knows this. And he has been very supportive, just like the other team members.
I guess I'm lucky that all the team members are very supportive & nice towards me.
Wednesday: Had my driving test in the morning. I was the first examinee of the day, dgn this Indian lady yg my fren Dr. J had & failed coz she's very hmm... garang. When I first saw her, I thought.. "great, dgn makcik ni plak.. adohai... tak nak la fail!"
.. alhamdulillah I passed on that day. Alhamdulillah drove quite well (lagi berdisiplin more than setiap hari aku drive). Tapi makcik tu cam biasa la, ada je nak komen kan, agaknye dah takde menda lain nak komen pasal aku drive. Sedangkan dia dok main rambut la, spec la itu la ini la kat cermin. Hmm... apa-apa hal pon, dah pas dah pon. Hahahah.
I was quite excited coz it was a first trial & passed.. seb baik amik 3 hour of comprehensive revision with an instructor, the many hours of practising with Dr. H's car & doa from everyone.
So now I'm officially a Victorian driver. =)
Went to celebrate that night after sending back Dr. H's car at her place, went for dinner at Sakura Restaurant in Knox, a cool & yummy Japanese restaurant. Malangnye my gastritis & GORD were playing up. Was in agony while at the restaurant that I couldnt actually eat. I finished all my immediate gastritis meds at home & had some PPi but pain didnt come down. I was actually driving Dr. H's car with the pain. Seb baik dah slamat dlm garage dia. Hubby had to go to a closeby chemist to get me a double strength Mylanta, but the pain didnt go away immediately (well.. I knew this but saja, mmg tak sabar). Had to tapau food.. sayang betul.
Came back home & slept myself better.. bleh.
Thursday: Fon call from the Mazda car dealer that my car would be ready as soon as I have the insurance settled. So had that done while at work. Then a few more fon calls.. then voilaa!! I'll get my car Saturday a.m. YAAAYYY!!.. alhamdulillah.
Its on my mum's birthday.. so in illusion, its mum's car.. in reality, its mine! Hahahahhaha... but deep down, I sorta wanted to call her to come over, so that I could bring her jalan-jalan with my new car. Or any of my family.
Then it hit me that hubby wont be around to send me to the showroom to pick up the car coz he's somewhere at the moment for a workshop & will be returning home Saturday arvo :(
Luckily I called RL & see if she could, & she sed yes. Alhamdulillah. Seb baik ada family kat sini. Thanks lots RL. =) Nanti I bawak u jalan2 okay, lets hope that ur baby gem bgn awal, then bleh I bawak both of u jalan2 naik my car. Thanks a lot. Hugs.
Went to see Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 3D at Chadstone. Superb. Excellent. Reaaally loved that movie! Kalau ada Wii games memang aku nak sambar satu. Tak pernah aku rasa cam nak beli games of any cool animation movies that I've seen before e.g. Kungfu Panda, Up, etc. But this one its different... coz there's FOOD! ahhahahaha... best best.. highly recommended for family fun.
BUT.. my gastritis & GORD datang lagi.. less severe. But it was actually affecting me afta that movie. Again, after some meds, I slept myself into it.
Bang.. today had a breakdown with multiple symptoms of gastritis & GORD.
Looking back, no wonder I was having those symptoms since end of last week. I know that if I ate too much sampai takleh bernafas, or amik NSAIDs, or makan apples masa perut kosong, or minum soda too much, I akan dpt all the pain. But as far as I remember.. takde kot I overdose myself dgn NSAIDs or other things.. mebbie except for some soda, tapi tak byk pon.
Now it all came back to me that its because of STRESS that I've been having all these symptoms.
Yes, it must be it...
Stress mmg 1 independent factor that contributes to peptic ulcer & GORD & yg sekaum dgnnye.
I kno I've been stressing out in the past month.. mainly coz of work with this new rotation, driving test, buying a car & in-laws.
Oh well.. I certainly hafta manage that properly.. hate being in pain.. have been having all this since I was 8... thats like 20yrs now.. I know everything about it already to know if ada any prodromal symptoms & what triggers it. Should have known better than stressing out too much.
I'm actually at work now, trying to finish some paperwork, havent started for the past hour, coz am playing around with the internet, saje nak rehat otak jap.. kejap lagi aku start.
Memang nak balik pon. Tapi hubby takde kat rumah. So takpe la stayback kejap kat tpt kerja.
Sket je lagi ni :)
Yaaahooooo... esok amik kereta baru! =)