Last day of Summer

Gambar-gambar minggu ni...

Tiramisu YL buat. Malam tu aku takleh tido.. the coffee in it was tooooo strong for me..

Birthday cake YL. Tak sempat rasa coz aku dah lambat ke study grp dgn Dr. BB.

Sempat lagi snap gambar bunga raya kat luar flat Dr. HAK

Lavender kat luar bangunan flat tpt Dr. HAK. Nanti boleh cilok sket bila
teringin nak buat donut Masterchef w lavender sugar.

Roses renek kat depan rumah Dr. BB.

Alhamdulillah computer buruk aku ni dah hidup balik. Thanks to hubby. Cuma cant start the Yahoo Messenger. I will hafta figure out how to bila aku free next. Coz tu je la caranye nak tengok muka family aku. Diorang bukannye ada kat sini all the time for me to be with them kan, jauh sekali nak datang every month to visit me or the other way round.

Recap last week

Aku takde la malas nak update blog ni. Tapi kadang-kadang tu terpaksa gak jadi malas. Esp. bila time cuti-cuti coz kena study. Now dah in the training rasa cam lebih intense, rasa cam back to uni. Every week ada je modules/ syllabus kena cover. ED training course/ tutorials, kami masing-masing jadi tutor in teaching sessions for the residents/ interns/ medical students, workshops of clinical/ procedural skills, study group utk primary exams, CME courses, extra tutorials held by senior ED registrars, case presentations, etc.
Masa mula-mula tu rasa cam wah.. tepu la jugak rasa coz busy manjang. Hari ni dah masuk minggu ke-4. Looking back in the past 3 weeks aku rasa cam bagus gak training ni tersusun & intense. Baru la training namanye. Ye la training mana yg tak busy, kalau training surgery & Obs&Gynae lagi busy la kot.
InsyaAllah, kalau aku betul-betul dedicated I will get there =) (aku ni sejak jadi tua ni jarang optimistic, la ni baru nak find my grounds).

Rabu lepas meeting with my supervisor for the last term. Masa dia tanya ada apa-apa ke aku nak komen pasal ICU term tu, maka terjadilah drama air mata kat situ. I was holding it inside for sooooo long, about the work bully & how I was depressed in ICU. Seriously si mamat timurtengah tu has really left a big impact on my life. Aku kasi tau boss aku tu yg sepanjang ICU term aku depressed, sampai ada nightmares & sampai aku tak study for ICU coz I was so depressed. I was stressed jugak buat anaesthetics dulu but I made the effort to actually sit & study. Not so in ICU.
I'm glad that the ICU boss tu was very supportive. Dia tanya aku apa nak buat dlm hal ni, & aku cakap yg aku tak nak berdepan dgn mamat senget tu at the moment. And dia nak discuss dgn the head of ICU about this. Dia cakap yg dia akan discuss jugak dgn mamat senget tu in 2 days time, tapi will be kept confidential.
On Friday, lepas dia cakap dgn si senget tu, he came & checked on me kat ED. Malu la jugak coz masa tu memang aku takde mood & tengah termenung depan computer. Terharu pon ada. Dia cakap sebenarnye ada lagi org lain komplen pasal dia, tapi dia kata will be kept confidential just like my case. Dia tanya aku, aku nak ke resolve this with that senget guy. Aku cakap tak nak coz knowing how he was masa dia suka-suka bully aku tu, I dont think that the discussion will be fruitful, silap-silap muka aku ni makan penampar dia berdasarkan perangai kasar dia masa kat ICU tu.
Aku rasa lega that finally dapat la jugak kasitau kat big boss about this. Boss aku tu cakap aku patutnye cakap awal-awal masa rotation tu, tapi aku cakap aku tak nak cause friction masa kerja. Boss aku tu cakap yg mebbie next time bila dah nak ada issue cam gitu cepat-cepat get help, sebab nanti aku gak yg rugi. And mebbie next year mintak lagi rotation ICU, and aku setuju provided that the senget guy wont be there when I'm there lah.

Thursday petang hari tu ada airway workshop, a combo of ICU-ED-Anaesthetics workshop on intubation/ managing airways. Best. I think I have to build up more muscles la coz 1 of the patung yg dia kasi tu..grr.. keras semacam takleh intubate langsung. Sakit my left arms. Seb baik si sengal tu takde.

Oh ye, Friday arvo aku kerja. Nyampah habis. Ada certain big bosses yg malas, and anggap sejak aku jadi registrar ni aku patut tau semua menda. Ada la jugak along the way yg aku rasa aku terkureng ajar gak dgn some bosses yg aku tak puas hati dgn management diorang on patients. Seb baik aku ada back up senior registrars yg kamcheng dgn aku.

Weekends tak buat apa-apa. Saturday gi rumah Dr. HAK coz celebrate besday YL. Aku gi kejap je coz ada study group dgn Dr. BB plak. Sunday, tried as much as possible to study my APLS course, tak start apa-apa pon, course tu plak on the 4th of March ni.

Dinner & bekal gi kerja minggu ni, combination of:

Mee hoon goreng with crab balls

Sambal bawal (bawal tu aku bakar dulu)

Tom Yam sayur

Niat asal: thai chicken green curry. Jadinye: ayam masak lemak putih

Sigh...

Itu le masalahnye sini haaa

http://www.theage.com.au/national/survey-finds-nsw-has-most-racial-tension-20110222-1b42m.html#poll

Sila click kalau rajin nak baca.

Ni la menda yg terpaksa aku lalui selama lebih 10 thn kat sini, esp. when I was in Whoop Whoop. Masa mula-mula sampai sini, lagi teruk esp. more tensed lepas peristiwa Sept 11th tu. Now dah tak berapa teruk, tapi ada la some bimbos yg bodo still ignorant & bengong. I'm quite surprised la jugak kalau media kata Au ni tak perkauman. Sedangkan Yg TakTerhormats tu pon boleh perkauman kat aku.

Oh well. Aku better start mengulangkaji pelajaran coz Thursday ada CME, plus aku kena berusaha abiskan study material for Advanced Paeds Life Support before 4th March & kena study before Saturday coz ada study group dgn Dr. BB on respiratory stuff.

(Konon busy eh, tapi still berblog lagi.. hehehhehe.. ni je la tempat aku nak meluahkan masalah jiwa nih.. huhuhuhu...)

Talking about being mentally disturbed & $$...

Kol 730am tadi aku nyer case prezo depan all the physicians & their trainees. Ada sorang surgeon buat case prezo gak sebelum aku. All in all, semuanye berjalan lancar. Aku takde la gementar mana. Dah praktis dalam mimpi malam tadi & masa tgh siap2 pagi tadi. Hehe. 2 prezo dah buat last week. This week Thursday ada personal tuition dari senior ED reg & pas tu plak advanced life support training (ALS) as part of the CME. Hmm.. gitu la life seorang ED trainee. Timetable pon penuh manjang, lagi teruk dari masa jadi resident dulu. I guess, jadi trainee apa-apa pon kena adad commitment, dedication & sacrifice (unless jadi GP.. tapi training GP kena gi rural area which I'm soooo sick of already).

Balik je dari prezo tadi, singgah Chaddy jap, ada la hal-hal book keeping (kononnye).

Mendung & sejuk!!

Kat pasu luar bangunan. Comel menda ni.

Terlalu depan kedai kasut.. uhuk uhuk!! Ternyopping jap. Hehehhe. Semalam dah nyopping abis, konon-konon nak menyeronokkan hati yg duka-lara. Dah lama tak shopping, dah tu kat Myer & K-Mart ada sales. Hmmmmhhh... bulan depan dapat bill credic card, nangis semula nampaknye. Punye la janji dgn diri sendiri awal tahun ari tu nak berbelanja dgn bijak & lebih berjimat-cermat.
Being manic is not good!

Hasil kerja gila aku smalam. Hari ni punye tak nak tunjuk.
Nanti orang kata aku gila plak =P

Bag frm LuluLemon Athletics. Roomy. Bagus utk gi kerja, gym,
or lari dari rumah. Hahaha.

Lagi satu bag frm the same shop, sesuai utk kerja, skolah, gym,
camping or lari dari rumah =P

Cawan untuk gi kerja. Hehehhe.. cawan pon kena spesel.
Dah jadi registrar, kena la kena gaya. Uhuk!! Kata Dr. HAK ari tu.

Saja nak lupakan my sinful purchases tu, malam tadi aku masak la dgn gigihnye. Dah 2 minggu tak masak. Asik makan rubbish je, mana tak otak aku pon jadi sampah. Masak byk sket sebab sepanjang minggu ni aku kerja PM shift, balik midnight, mana nak masak.

Roti hot dog & some rolls. Semangat nak buat roti
semalam lepas beli these cute baking pans.

Mee hailam. First time jadi. Resepi amik kat magazine raya 2006.

Kurma ayam. First time jadi jugak. Resepi amik kat mag raya 2006. Seb baik mak bawak rempah kurma hari tu. Love u mum!

Sayur goreng tauge, purple cabbage, asparagus, cili.
Uiih.. byk plak aku masak. Ye la, takde la hubby bosan makan menda yg sama je. Lagipon boleh la bawak bekal kan. Jimat. (Boleh shopping lagi)

Dr. HAK singgah join dinner. Ternganga la jugak dia tengok aku masak dgn bombastiknye... ahahhaha.. apa je la bombastik plak. Kang seminggu dua lagi aku mandom je la.

Webcam kat Lappie

Menda pertama aku nak buat bila dah ada lappie baru nanti ialah nak chat dgn family aku esp. adik kecik aku & tengok muka dia puas-puas thru webcam sebelum dia bertukar jadi orang dewasa. :'(

Thanks to the new technology nowadays semua lappie dah ada in-built webcam... sangat berguna mendekatkan orang-orang jauh :'(

Jap lagi nak survey. Aku ni takle tau byk sgt about computer but I'll try my best. Ingat nak sambar iPad je hari tu tapi memandangkan keyboard + webcam adalah add on gears, rasa cam bazir la plak duit aku coz kalau tambah menda2 tu rasa cam tak brapa portable as a lappie.

Hmm... sometimes even tho kerja lagi teruk dari buruh kasar aku ni dengan jadualnye ntah apa-apa, aku rasa bersyukur coz imagine kalau aku depressed but not independant $$-wise sure lagi teruk keadaannye kan. Depressed tapi ada $$ walaupon sikit, jadi la, at least satu beban kurang.

Pressure on healthcare system

http://www.theage.com.au/national/24-hours-in-gen-med-3-20110218-1azqd.html

Sila baca kalau rajin :P abis kerja esok aku sambung tulis. Only thing to say is I'm sooooo glad the media is put to good use this time... kalau orang2 politics ni buta hati & akal gak tak tau la...

Layaan

Letih gila prezo/ teaching session semalam. Letih sebenarnye jadi cikgu ni. Esp. bila dah tua-tua gini byk menda lupa. Bersungguh-sungguh aku ke spital malam-malam buta kelmarin siapkan prezo on Wounds for the residents/interns/students teaching session utk pagi smalam. Seb baik berjaya dgn jayanye. Heh! Okaylah. Teach them all the physiological + pharmacological aspects of wounds, not simply tau nak jahit saja. Pas tu ada practical on how to use the stapler. Ingat nak ajar pasal vertical + horizontal mattress, tapi dah terlebih masa. Then aku stayed on for the non-clinical stuff. Aku quite enjoyed my job yesterday checking results, mostly radiology. Lab stuff aku kureng sket. Also had to complete all the online training thing, tak sempat abis coz computer kat ED plak crashed pasal that programme. Heh. Then some of the bosses saja nak chat dgn aku pasal next week's case prezo pulak, the one depan all the physicians + their trainees. Errkk.. aku kena baca betul2 nanti.

Parcel yg mengandungi my Advanced Paediatrics Life Support pon dah sampai tadi. Fuiiyooooo.. punye la tebal! Lagi 2 minggu course tu, so aku kena bertungkus lumus abiskan before 4th of March.

Minggu ni last aku kerja weekends in this 4-week-of-no-life. Finally!! Seb baik kerja AM shift. Starting siang ni jap lagi until Sunday. Then cuma cuti sehari sebelum sambung kerja semula. Bukan bermakna aku takde kerja weekends lagi, tapi termasuk ni 4 minggu berturut2 aku kerja weekends, ENUF laaaa for now.

Okay, layan gambar2 yg aku konon-konon janji dulu, sebab dah lama tak update.

Mr. Bee kat pokok bunga tepi rumah

Sarang labah-labah kat ampaian aku.
Hari tu ribut hilang dah.

Bunga gift kat spital, amik masa melawat Dr. HAK smlm

Farewell cookie cake frm Mrs. Field,
untuk ICU hari tu
Apam 100+ (amik frm rumah MamaFami) yg aku buat
for night shift hari tu

Breakie aku pagi kelmarin

Thanks for those yang kasi aku moral support, thru the net & in real life. Life is complicated, I am complicated...

Busy campur Malas

Lama gila aku tak update kan. BUsy campur malas nak update coz takde mood. Computer kesayangan aku diserang virus bodo. So now tengah bersawang kat atas meja. Kalau ikut hati aku nak je aku campak kat M1 sana. Stressed!

Last week abis ICU. Aku tau aku hutang gambar cookie cake yg aku janji nak bubuh itu hari.

Minggu start my first ever job as an ED registrar. Slow smacam je Isnin hari tu. Ye la baru abis ICU kan. Rasa cam banyak menda aku tak tau. Work is depressing when you feel like you dont know much. The ED people , especially the bosses, looked excited that I'm back in ED. Aku? Ntah laa... Tunggu bila aku jumpa kes bodo-bodo & dapat hand over bodo-bodo then aku start mengamuk balik... hahaha.

The bosses suka aku punye presentation pasal NMS & serotonin toxicity itu hari so the Director of ED mintak aku buat presentation yg sama depan all the Physicians plak. AAARRGHHH! Terencat jap otak aku. Nak tolak nanti kena blacklist. Nak terima, teringat plak all the audience ialah physicians.. wooooooo mati aku. Kalau students takpe la jugak kan. Oh well, kalau depan anaesthetists lagi rasa nak mati kot. Hari tu cuma Intensivists & ED physicians je. Then one of the senior registrars mintak aku buat lagi 2 prezo next week, 1 for teaching the residents & 1 for teaching the interns. Ayaaakkk!

Dengan aku yg tengah miserable inside ni, tak tau la boleh ke tak deliver all the 3 prezos tu. Computer tu pon satu hal. Kang aku gi sambar iPad kang... poket aku gak yg nangis. Sheesshhhh!

Malam tadi hantar Dr. AI & her mum gi airport. Dia decided to defer this year from training. Will probably be back in Melbourne for interviews in the 2nd half of the year. Then kerja again for physician training next year.

Life is hard for us perantau di sini. Dr. HAK decided to stay in surgery after having a blast doing plastics last term. Its going to be a long journey for her. Jeles gak aku dengar dia cerita pasal surg coz aku pon sangat minat surgery but life doesnt really allow me to go on in surg.. but who knows. Dr. MJ still in physician training but decided to take exams next year instead of this year. Dr. ZJ in now ED training instead of anaesthetics, her husband Dr. N decided to go into Obs & Gobs instead of surg. Dr. BB still going with her ED training, and dialah yg slama ni kasi aku semangat utk amik exams this year. At least bila study sama2 takde la merewang je otak & semangat aku.
As for me, aku still miserable. I miss home very much, I hate my personal life, I hate the politics in ED, I sort of long for a normal life so that at least I have time for me & others, I am still indecisive of what I want in my career despite I am now in Emergency Medicine training. All sorts of things.
And most of the time aku rasa cam aku takde outlet for my misery...

Sebelum abis ICU hari tu one of the Intensivists cakap I will make a good physician.. which sort of made me even more miserable coz its been a while aku dah tak tau apa aku suka anymore in medicine. I wish it was that easy to choose like others, I envy those yg memang determined gila nak pursue their careers in what they like. While me still hanging around.
Mebbie aku sepatutnye go on cari kerja in personal assistant ke, office job mana-mana, architecture ke, engineering ke kan.

Malam ni sampai malam Ahad kerja, abis pagi Isnin. Next weekend kerja jugak. :'( Asik kerja weekends je. Ni dah minggu ke-3 berturut2 aku kerja, minggu depan weekends lagi. 4 minggu berturut-turut.

Smalam stay up coz hari ni the whole day kena tido kan. Stay up takleh focus nak study coz I miss my computer so much. So aku buat la apam 100plus amik kat rumah MamaFaMi. Takde 100plus aku guna sprite. :)
Nanti-nanti la aku bubuh gambar apam aku yg super sweet tu walaupon dah kurangkan gula dari yg dlm resepi (janji palsu aku lagi... hahaha)

Farewell cookie cake

Baru balik from fetching my cookie cake for the farewell kat ICU today. Takde la party apa, saja je order the cake for ICU sempena minggu last kami residents kat situ. And ngapa hari ni, coz hari ni chance semua resident berpeluang merasa this cake; 3 hari ni termasuk aku & sorang lagi start malam esok. Cake ni boleh simpan utk weekends docs.

I'm working today until Sunday kat ICU, day shifts. So takde la farewell mana pon utk aku kat ICU tu. 2 org last day hari ni, & 2 org termasuk aku last day Sunday. Starting Monday kerja kat ED balik, same hospital.

Nanti malam karang aku update gambar cookie cake tu okaaay. Aku start kerja tgh hari nanti. Ni nak gi siap2.
Ciao.

Negara bencana alam

Meremang jugak bulu roma aku bila tengok news malam tadi pasal this cyclone Yasi that's hitting North Queensland, esp. Townsville & Cairns. Pagi tadi dah upgrade from category 3 to category 5, up to 300km/hr lajunye cyclone tu. I imagine the small islands yg tgh-tgh laut tu sure dah hancur dilanda cyclone ni semalam.

From siaran khas kat tv tgh hari ni, diorang dah pindahkan ICU patients, including those from PICU & NICU to Brisbane Hospital. Penduduk2 pon dah byk pindah mlm tadi. Airport masih jalan so far & will be closing sometimes today, at least sampai dah most penduduk dah dipindahkan ke pusat2 keselamatan. Talian telefon & electricity dah byk putus.

Baru je beberapa minggu lepas Queensland dilanda banjir besar, almost 3 quaters of the state tenggelam. Now dah disaster baru.. encik cyclone Yasi pulak. Kesian pelajar2 Malaysia di Queensland sana, especially yg beragama Islam. Kesian jugak kat wanita-wanita yg tgh piyed & yg baru bersalin tu & orang-orang disabled. Lain-lain pon aku kesian jugak. Semua lah. I wonder how those yg dekat psych inpatient unit sana.
Di Victoria plak, walau pon takde cyclone yet, hujan je manjang. Dah 3 hari (until yesterday) the temperature hit 40°c. Imagine balik night shift nak tido pon susah coz rumah ni rasa cam dlm oven je. Well, not as bad as the old house, but still susah nak tido. Rumah aku takde aircond, cuma bergantung kat kipas je. Kalau kerja siang, at least boleh enjoy the aircond kat spital. Malam bila balik kerja dah cool change. Semalam baru dengar berita bushfire kat East Gippsland pulak, near Inverloch sana.

Aku bersyukur aku kat Victoria now, Alhamdulillah kawasan aku tak kena all these natural disasters; flood, bushfire, locus. Well, aku lebih gembira kalau berada di KL with my family right now. But as for now aku bersyukur apa yg ada.

Nampaknye harga barang & petrol akan naik lagi disebabkan bencana alam Queensland ni. Queensland is the agricultural state. Economy Australia akan merudum sket la nampaknye soon. The Federal gov dah introduced this levy to help out Queensland. Which aku rasa cam tak setuju coz rather than diorang buang duit diorang kat menda lain, better guna duit diorang utk this kind of thing yg every single year hit this country. You would think that they already have a fund/ a system for this each year. Tapi silap. Most people sengkek already with the sky high tax. And still orang menderma utk bencana alam ni secara ikhlas. Bila dah kuarkan levy gini, buat aku rasa tak ikhlas nak kasi langsung coz hidup aku yg sengkek ni & terasa gov lagi rip off us all dgn tax yg sedia cekik darah ni. Dah la infrastructure, services & health care hampes. Orang-orang kaya tak rasa semua beban kenaikan harga barang & services. Diorang seperti biasa makin kaya. Rakyat jelata lain makin miskin. Kalau hal-hal berkaitan dgn tax & fees ni aku memang kedekut, walaupon kedekut aku ni tak memberi kesan kat Au gov. Ptui!

And as for me, ha la makin miskin ni. Kena lebih jimat-cermat esp. in the sense of food & petrol. Harga & supply akan makin kurang la nampaknye. (More reason for to kurang makan & control weight).

Picture from theage.com.au