On Call lagi =(

Last nite I was on call again. On call terpaksa. Sepatutnye my arvo off tapi diorang suruh aku amik morning off & buat on call coz takde org bleh buat on call that nite. Time aku datang, everything dah sedia kelam kelibut. Tambah lagi dgn paperwork yg memang tunggang-langgang. Ada admission dtg & both HMOs buat tak tau coz HR janji nak panggil org ganti the HMO yg annual leave. Tapi malangnye janji tinggal janji. Kami dengar2 akan ada org ganti so that org ganti tu can at least buat admission & some other stuff, while kami jumpa patients. Tapi bayang pon takde. Aku tak salahkan HMO yg amik leave tu, coz they deserve the leave after kerja all the time in a poor condition.

Anyways, patient dah tunggu 4 hours for admission pas tu ngamuk2 akhirnye kena seclusion. Pas tu ada lagi admissions blablabla. Ada patient yg actively nak bunuh diri by hantuk kepala kat dinding sampai satu muka haematoma termasuk mata dia. Seb baik takde bleeding dlm head as per CT Brain. Lepas CT Brain tu, dia bleh lagi panjat meja & buat lompat somersault landed kat blakang kepala, lagi la bruise besar. Kecoh betul. Aku balik around 3am (to return back to the ward at 830am) disebabkan all this medical-legal stuff, gila banyak paperwork, talking to ppl, etc.. like one of the nurses ckp.. "You have to cover your back, blablabla..., no one cares" Which berdesing sungguh telinga aku dengar. Walaupon betul & aku kena terima hakikatnye, aku still marah, coz aku memang dah terima hakikat kehuduhan dunia healthcare system here in Australia.. or at least in Victoria.. penuh dgn ulat!.
Aku ni kan cukup pantang hal2 selfishness, ye la, kalau dah kata work in a team, sumer org kena work in a team la. Ni tak, sedap je nak lepas tangan. Some other nurses ckp.. "Well, I wuz worried if the patient dies in the middle of the night then I'll go to court, but I just wanted to let u kno this & that, so I've documented it in the notes that I've spoken to u, so I'm not worried anymore, coz they will kno that I've done my job.. someone else's responsible now.." Tu la dlm dunia diorang, diorang mengamalkan prinsip.. take care of ur own people, at the same time "cover your back & clearly document things". They even blaja cara nak tulis supaya clearly cover their backs, regardless kalau menda tu diorang tulis hanya menunjukkan kebodohan diorang. Yang penting diorang selamat. Dont feel like getting started on that.

Anyways, I was already fuming & berasap2 sepanjang hari semalam bila aku sampai that arvo. Aku mmg hot betul dgn the case managers, CAT team, nurses, etc. Tambah2 lagi the HR people sejak aku start psychiatry rotation ni. Huish. The bosses sumer tau aku ngamuk2 dah. Walaupon aku tak tunjuk, tapi I guess coz diorang psychiatrists so of course diorang study gerak-geri manusia, gaya ckp, etc, so diorang tau kot. Coz sepanjang hari aku dah tinggikan suara dlm fon, baling2 pen kat orang, muka dah kembung2 tahan marah. Hahaha.. bila teringat balik, ish, buruknye perangai.. kan aku dah ckp hari tu, aku mmg ada anger issues. Tapi these bosses are baik gila, & aku suka diorang. Tak kisah lah my own boss gi leave lama2 pon takpe. Asalkan diorang take care of me, aku dah happy.

Malam tadi sebelum balik aku call member kat ED tanya pasal ada lagi tak admission, diorang kata mebbie takde. Alhamdulillah. And sebelum balik aku ckp kat diorang ni pls dont call me again. Tapi then aku ckp kat diorang, call la, aku tak kisah datang balik.. coz aku dah nekad dah masa tu, kalau aku kena panggil balik aku memang tak nak dtg kerja esok pagi. Kalau nak runtuh pon, runtuh la psych department tu. Aku pon sebenarnye tak peduli lagi. Dah sick of sakit hati apa yg admin & the government buat kat kitorang. I hafta take care of myself jugak.

So pagi tadi gi kerja 2 jam lambat & no one were angry at me. Coz diorang dpt tau from ppl last nite that aku tak nak dtg kerja pagi. Huish, cepat betul rumors merebak, padahal aku ckp kalau sapa2 call aku lagi & aku kena dtg sana, aku memang tak nak dtg kerja pagi coz aku takleh drive & takleh kerja kalau tak cukup tido. Diorang ni memang species suka putar belit ayat.

And I am quite pleased with myself coz aku takde la bad mood sepanjang hari. Just menten relax & try buat kerja ikut my pace & setakat yg mampu. Aku tak nak try jadi super doctor coz I'm not, and I'm never a ward kinda person.. I've alwiz known that. Plus kalau both the HMOs buat kerja bagus masa diorang tak nak sediakan replacement for the 2 docs yg on leave, nanti diorang ingat kami bleh manage well without support. Lagi diorang akan biarkan docs terkontang-kanting & bertambah2 burden kerja kami. In the end, docs job will be worst than how it was ~25 yrs ago.

Anyways, aku ni kena siapkan report hearing ni. Tapi saja gatal nak tulis blog. Saja amik angin jap, kasi inspiration utk tulis report =P
Ciao.