Yes, bye-bye ED and Hola Anaesthetics. Why 'Hola'? Because Anaesthetics will be like a new language to me, it sounds familiar but still something kinda foreign. On call today, but I really hope that I dont get called to go to work. Tak larat nak pegi plus nak study anaesthetics. Takut woooo nak start Monday ni, rasa cam tak tau apa-apa even tho dah pernah buat this rotation suatu masa dahulu.
Am I happy or sad that I've finished my ED rotation? Dunno. Mixed feelings.
Sad la jugak coz I'm not longer in my comfort zone, I've enjoyed doing ED, I loved working with fellow doctors, no longer working shift work which I enjoy. Sad coz I kinda havent achieved much during this past few months doing ED, much becoz aku tak spend much effort to study much. Macam sambil lewa je. Like they all say.. comfort zone can sometimes kill. Sad coz dah berbalik ke day, office hour work.
Indifferent.. coz terasa cam my minat in medicine merudum. Aku teringin nak study menda lain. I havent felt much of self-accomplishment kerja sebagai doctor ni. The reason why we fix a patient is not because kepandaian doctor, tapi pasal the patients themselves.. sebab diri diorang tu, ubat2, the hospital etc. Docs cuma sebagai medium je tolong push the patients toward wat they r supposed to be. And most of the times susah nak do much for patients due to their care are influenced by funding, hospital system, government policies, nurses, etc. External factors yg membosankan. I envy hubby who does projects every few months & works in the office, sometimes outside. I'm sick of staying indoors all the bloody time. When the project works, I can see how satisfied he is. Its fun to be in the development phase, as well as the maintenance phase. Pendek kata, aku sangat bosan dgn the medical world.
Happy.. coz starting a new rotation, so I'm exploring a new world in medicine. One of my senior reg cakap its good that I'm doin Anaesthetic next. ED docs, or any docs need that change once in a while to boost their motivation + reality check. Mebbie betul. Coz aku dah lama sangat dlm ED ni.. 5 bulan kot. Mebbie this will improve my self esteem sket if I work hard. Aku pon ada rasa sket2 tak sabar nak start sebenarnye even tho takut jugak coz terasa cam mencabar je. Oh ye, office hour job meaning I can have breakie with hubby everyday & will see him again balik kerja. And I will have weekends with him as well. Best, best.
Sejuk gila pagi ni. Aku bangun kol 3++ pagi tadi. Pagi semalam lepas habis ED, aku gi breakie dgn Dr. H kat Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Chadstone since dia pon habis her ICU night shift. Lepas breakie dia lepak tido kat couch aku before balik semula ke rumah dia. Aku pon tido jugak, tapi lepas dia balik aku sambung lagi tido sampai kol 6++pm. Then masuk balik tido kol 10pm. Ingat nak stay up coz Isnin nanti start at 730am. Tapi badan aku sangat sakit, terpe'ot la plak kali ni. Rugi seharian hari Jumaat aku.
Soooo... aku doakan hari ni badan aku kurang sakit & Allah swt izinkan aku study betul2 hari ni.. all the best to me :)